Take the Padded Gloves Off

Ephesians 4 is clear: the job of the fivefold ministry is to equip the saints to do the work of the ministry. Not to entertain them. Not to protect them from discomfort. Not to build a stage so big that only a few can stand on it.

Equip them. Develop them. Release them.

But here’s the tension every leader faces: How do we actually do that in a culture addicted to comfort?

Last night, while cooking dinner, Desiree looked at me and said, “We’re living in the era of Gentle Parenting.”

And she continued her thought: We’re also living in the era of Gentle Pastoring.

Not gentle as in “kind” — kindness is a fruit of the Spirit. Gentle as in over-cautious, overly-accommodating, over-protective.

Gentle as in: I’ll carry all the weight so you never have to stretch your capacity.

Gentle as in: I’ll keep the bar low so no one feels pressure.

Gentle as in: I’ll never let you try, so you never risk failure.

But here’s the truth:

How can your leaders learn to bear weight if you never let them carry any?

Every strong leader in your church — including you — is standing on ground someone else paid for. Someone believed in you before you were ready. Someone took a risk on you. Someone handed you a microphone, a room, a responsibility, a team — and prayed you wouldn’t blow it. And even when you did blow it… they didn’t take opportunity away. They helped you fail forward.

Proverbs reminds us that growth rarely happens in comfort:

• “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” (Proverbs 27:17 NLT)

• “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.” (Proverbs 27:9 NLT)

  Sharpening, counsel, correction — all of it implies friction, pressure, training.

If your leaders are only ever allowed to serve in subservient, low-risk roles, they will never grow into the kind of people who can carry Kingdom weight.

Paul told Timothy, a young leader stepping into big shoes:

• “Do not neglect the spiritual gift you received…” (1 Timothy 4:14 NLT)

• “Be strong through the grace that God gives you in Christ Jesus.” (2 Timothy 2:1 NLT)

• “Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.” (2 Timothy 2:3 NLT)

That’s not gentle pastoring.

That’s intentional equipping.

So here’s the question for us:

Are we building leaders who can carry weight, or leaders who need constant cushioning?

Create intentional time and space for them to try.

Give them real ownership.

Let them preach. Lead. Host. Pray. Carry responsibility.

Let them step up, and yes—let them fail.

And when they fail?

Clarity is kindness.

Coach them. Encourage them. Debrief with grace.

Then let them try again.

Model what it looks like to fail forward. Model humility. Model growth. Model the courage to keep getting better.

The fivefold exists to equip the saints — not shelter them.

Your church’s future leaders are in the room right now.

They don’t need gentle pastoring.

They need empowering pastoring.

So ask yourself this week:

Who do I need to believe in “before they are ready”?

And what weight do I need to let them carry?

Thanks for leaning into this with me. If this helped you, share it with another leader who’s building people, not just running programs. The future of the Church is carried on the shoulders we’re shaping today—let’s raise up leaders who can bear the weight.

With You in Christ,

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